


(when the nuclear winters) turn our beaches to glass

by templeofshame



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010 Era (Phandom), Introspection, M/M, weird!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 00:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/templeofshame/pseuds/templeofshame
Summary: Phil is looking for his first flat as an Adult. And thinking about worst case scenarios.bingo squares: breakup and apocalypse (but not in stressful ways, don't worry)





	(when the nuclear winters) turn our beaches to glass

**Author's Note:**

> Since the song is practically impossible to find, I should probably state that the line goes "when the nuclear winters turn our beaches to glass/I will probably love you more than I ever have." (And since this is now awkwardly a top search result for this line, I want to be very clear that it was written by Antje Duvekot and inspirational for this fic.)
> 
> I started this 'cause I wanted @waveydnp to like it but it came out different, so. Beta thanks to @omgthisisnotmyrealaccount and @insectbah!

It’s easy to say that Phil can’t live with his parents forever, but it’s not strictly true. Well. Maybe. Eventually, even seeing them everyday wouldn’t be enough to hide the effects of aging. Some day — any day — he could be living here, in Rossendale, in his big creepy childhood home, haunted by his memories of them. Or maybe… by _them_. The house always did seem ripe for haunting. Depending on the type of ghost, it wouldn’t be so bad. Not if he could still play Scrabble with them and chat to them while they go on baking and painting and the rest, just without bodies. Phil could get used to cleaning up the ectoplasm. But even then, he’d miss his mother’s embrace, his father’s slap on the back when he’s done something right. Phil can talk about looking forward to downloading his consciousness onto a computer, but the Lesters are quite attached to touch, and by all accounts touch requires bodies. And most ghosts seem to die a gruesome death first, so. Living out his life here alone is a worst case scenario. Without his parents and… without Dan.

Not that he’s ever lived _with_ Dan. And that’s not what this is, either. He’s looking at one-bedrooms, which… they couldn’t just do that with YouTube, and Dan’s family. Besides, Dan’s moving into halls in September. He’s still got a life to have, a uni experience, without Phil rushing him into something that will sound just as good in a year, or two, or five. He doesn’t need to rush anything with Dan. He wants to savor, not suffocate. He just has to remind them both of that sometimes. It’s easy to forget that he doesn’t need to grab everything he wants as soon as it’s in reach. One step at a time. Phil’s flat before _their_ flat.

In his own flat, the worst case scenario is… It could be a very expensive way to make sure his parents aren’t there to save him when he chokes, or to form a band of plucky survivors when the dead rise. If something, home invader or demon rapture goat, comes after him, it’ll be up to Phil to defend himself. Dan can say Phil won't have to be brave with him around, but he would if something actually happened. Dan’s not the kind of bear who rips people’s heads off; he’s the kind who’s afraid of the dark, the kind who’s very good at eating a lot and hibernating. 

But really, does Phil want to be any less brave than he is? It’s not like he’s starting with loads of brave to spare. Moving back to Rossendale after York was many things, warm and comfortable and familiar and _easy_. But not brave. It’s only now that he’s going out on any kind of limb, that he’s finding the courage to try adulthood. He doesn’t _have_ to be brave, but maybe he can start to be, a little bit. And if something does happen, Phil would be braver with Dan around. He’d fight harder. With Dan, he has something to protect. 

And Dan _will_ be around. A lot. It won’t take hours on expensive trains anymore, not come September. And he’s coming up to help Phil move in, which is always the worst part, so. Dan’s invested. And he’s got his drawer planned out. Just the thought of a single, boring drawer makes those eyes light up, and then Phil believes Dan that it’ll be the best part of the flat. Along with the creases he’ll leave on the sofa, in the bed. The spaces Dan carves out for himself.

Maybe the worst case scenario is an empty drawer. A drawer Dan stops wanting, stops caring about. If Phil’s being honest with himself, that’s what would send him back to Rossendale with his tail between his legs, faster than money problems or general failure at being a Real Man. 

It wouldn’t be the end of the world, though. People say that like it’s supposed to be reassuring, but Phil would much rather think about apocalypses: how the whole world could be struck by a tornado or fed to a hungry Basket. How society could collapse in the face of a plague of Edward Cullen wasps, or his soul could be sucked into the throbbing heart of an alien god. He’s glad not to live in a darker timeline, but still, they’re _interesting_. The ways that Dan could turn and walk out of his life might be similarly infinite, but they have none of the appeal. Not even if there are velociraptors involved. There’s a limit to how much velociraptors can soften the blow.

Logically, on the scale of the planet or the universe, any apocalypse is worse than an empty Dan-drawer. Widespread death and destruction, all the lost opportunities, those are clearly worse than one almost-man’s heartbreak. But it’s for the best that it probably won’t ever be up to Phil to decide. He definitely wants the world to keep existing. A world where his parents are healthy, where Dan loves him, where they can take these tiny huge steps towards their future together. If it also had man-eating mammoths or localized dragon invasions… He might be willing to work with that.

Whichever worst case he picks, though, Phil can’t avoid it by staying here. He can watch the world end just the same from Rossendale or Manchester. There’s no drawer here for Dan, but that isn’t any kind of shield. It’s not losing it in advance, not with Dan’s eagerness, but it’s keeping them both from what they want because Phil’s… seeing some demon goat rapture face in a towel. Fear of… nothing? Everything? Things that won’t stop lurking in the shadows if he hides from them?

Wherever Phil is, there are ways for things to fall apart. But right now, things seem to be falling into place. Things that say it’s time to stop clinging to his parents’ rent-free knees and make a proper go of… all of it. Manchester, YouTube, Dan… and adulthood. Whatever that means. And if those things want to fall into place, then the apocalypse will have to catch up with Phil wherever he is.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on [tumblr](https://templeofshame.tumblr.com/post/187910943625/when-the-nuclear-winters-turn-our-beaches-to)


End file.
